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My dad past away Sunday night. I found out Monday morning right after design. My mom called and told me "we" were at the clock tower and if they could come talk to me. I asked who "we" was and she told me herself, my brother, my aunt, and uncle. So I knew what was up. There was only one reason they would come, without my dad, to talk to me in person. If he were just in the hospital I would have only got a phone call, but my mom didn't want to tell me over the phone, so I had to wait 30 minutes while they found their way over to my dorm, hoping, praying I was wrong. But of course I wasn't.

I guess we're somewhat lucky. He was sick, we knew this would happen eventually, but....not so soon. My dad told me about a guy with almost the same condition, not nearly as complicated but still, who lived 20 years after his doctors gave him a 6 month lifespan estimate. At least he had the opportunity to prepare, to tell us what he wanted, I know he wrote each of us a letter I'm kind of anxious to read. It's not like he died of a heart attack or car crash completely unexpectedly, so in that regard, I feel a bit lucky, a bit thankful. Of course in those ways he wouldn't have suffered so much beforehand. That's what a lot of people have been saying..."at least he isn't suffering anymore". That's great and all, but I feel like my dad would have gone to the hospital every weekend just to keep watching me and my brother grow up. Saying it sucks doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, neither does just saying I'm going to miss him, but I will, more than anything. If anyone's reading this, go tell your parents you love them. Go see them a bit more often. Unless they're complete crap or something, or whatever you don't have to take orders from me.

One thing I hate the most about tragedies, is that they point out what it takes for people to come together or show they care about someone/thing. Like 9/11. Like this. I mean don't get me wrong, the outpouring of love and support from everyone - my mom's friend, my friends, my brother's friends, my father's friends - has been absolutely amazing and heart wrenching. But sitting at dinner today surrounded by friends, even ones I haven't talked to in months, I thought of how I wish we could be having the dinner under different, happier circumstances.

Yesterday my mom's friends came over while her and my aunt went to the funeral home. They cleaned the whole kitchen, even cleaning out the refrigerator. They brought and bought us food and tissues and stuff. We have I think 4 home cooked meals now from different people. People I haven't seen in years are coming to our house, giving us hugs, crying as well, it's a really warm, but depressing environment.

Ryan happened to be the first person from the CP group I spoke to about it. Basically he was telling me about his new tattoo and I just dropped the bomb. I have a hard time being discreet. My mom wanted me to call up all my friends to let them know what was going on and such but I wouldn't know how to start a conversation like that with so many people. So I decided to do it awkwardly once, and I asked him to tell everyone what was up. Instead of just telling everyone he organized a dinner with everyone who could come, and paid for my meal, even though we were at opposite ends of the table which was probably awkward for the waiter keeping track of things. It was me, Ryan, Lindsey, Emma, James, Laura, Sandi, Danni, Matt, Sara, Jared, Shaheen, and Blakesley. So all in all 12 people, and I can think of a few who weren't able to come because of work or Ryan couldn't contact them. I was really happy, I didn't actually realize I had so many friends, which sounds stupid, but who really ever sits down and counts, and how often will most of them be in one place to support only you? It's really amazing.

There's another thing. It took this to make me see how lucky I am. My dad was wonderful. My mom is wonderful. I really couldn't ask for a better family. I have my own room in a big house in a nice part of town where I got a good education. I'm going to University getting a degree in something I love and I'm not having to pay for it on my own or completely through loans. I have a huge network of friends who love and support me. My family has a huge network of friends that love and support us. We're really lucky, and I'm thankful.

That's it for now I think. There's a lot more to say, but it can be written later, this feels like something of a happy post, so it will stay that way.