Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
A plea
Dear Michael Phelps,
You are really really boring. You got your two weeks of sucking the fun out of the Olympics for all the other American swimmers, now why can't you leave everyone alone? Ok, I guess I would be trying to squeeze every penny out of the situation too if I were you, but come on. Could you at least try not taking away air time from otherwise good programs? You're just so bleh. Shuuut uuup.
Thanks!
Sincerely,
Alyssa
You are really really boring. You got your two weeks of sucking the fun out of the Olympics for all the other American swimmers, now why can't you leave everyone alone? Ok, I guess I would be trying to squeeze every penny out of the situation too if I were you, but come on. Could you at least try not taking away air time from otherwise good programs? You're just so bleh. Shuuut uuup.
Thanks!
Sincerely,
Alyssa
Now what do I do?
Fall semester is oooover. Pretty much. I have one last final but it's not till Monday and who cares? Every project and essay is turned in and that's good enough for me. It's a huge relief buuut...now what? I have nothing to do and I just sat at home after my final today and did nothing. When I have things to do I wish I could do nothing but I have nothing to I wish there was something. Usually I'd go buy something to make something out of, but now I'm trying to conserve money. Speaking of money I doubt I'll get my job back for the break, there's only 2 weeks till Christmas shopping is over and everyone probably has their help already. I'll go talk to them tomorrow anyway. bleh i hate money
Have you ever stood in the middle of two TVs set on the same channel? it makes a really eerie effect on the audio.
I've been thinking about what life would be like if I didn't have a laptop or TV, or anything in my residence except a bed and bathroom. I'd be out of the house all time doing things. Life would probably be a lot more exciting, ecspecially if other people were in the same boat. You'd actually have to go do things to occupy your time, and as a result maybe meet people and shit. all the time. as is, I usually have a hard time tearing myself from my laptop because, whats the point? I can find entertainment, work on things, obsessively check facebook, talk to people, read pointless SA threads... but I like my laptop and don't really want to end up a dragrat, so i'll probably remain connected to my laptop.
One up about break is I get to play with my dog :3
she's super cute
Have you ever stood in the middle of two TVs set on the same channel? it makes a really eerie effect on the audio.
I've been thinking about what life would be like if I didn't have a laptop or TV, or anything in my residence except a bed and bathroom. I'd be out of the house all time doing things. Life would probably be a lot more exciting, ecspecially if other people were in the same boat. You'd actually have to go do things to occupy your time, and as a result maybe meet people and shit. all the time. as is, I usually have a hard time tearing myself from my laptop because, whats the point? I can find entertainment, work on things, obsessively check facebook, talk to people, read pointless SA threads... but I like my laptop and don't really want to end up a dragrat, so i'll probably remain connected to my laptop.
One up about break is I get to play with my dog :3
she's super cute
Friday, November 28, 2008
If I had a million dollars
I'd buy all this shit and a lot of clothes and stuff. Again! a few hours after the last, but I wanna make a wishlist of sweet kick knacks that I've been drooling over for like, an hour or two.
and soo much more D:
but really I'm probably asking for a nice peacoat or just some shopping money from my mom
headphones from ryan (really a birthday present...even though we weren't dating for my birthday or christmas) because he owes me.
and that's really all I need I guess.
and soo much more D:
but really I'm probably asking for a nice peacoat or just some shopping money from my mom
headphones from ryan (really a birthday present...even though we weren't dating for my birthday or christmas) because he owes me.
and that's really all I need I guess.
Sometimes
Sometimes I get this weird feeling, my heart starts racing even though I'm doing nothing, watching nothing, listening to nothing, reading nothing, thinking of nothing to illicit it. It's a nervous feeling, but not a bad way> I guess it's like an adrenaline rush, like if you were about to perform on stage or talk to someone you have a crush on. I wonder what causes it, maybe I just need to spend more energy, exercise more.
Speaking of which, I need to eat better, I've wanted to lose my flabbiness for aaaages, like since I noticed I was fat in the 7thgrade or so (I seriously thought that somehow, magically, the fat on my stomach would migrate into a nice pair of c cups or something when I was in elementary school). Realistically though, I won't eat right over Christmas break because, come on it's the holidays. I read through all my aunt's InStyle magazines last night trying to keep myself amused after thanksgiving dinner and now I have visions of fabulousness dancing in my head. I went shopping today (Black Friday aah) for myself and it wasn't so bad. I spent far too much money though (about $80 for 2 jackets, a shirt, and a pair of shoes..oh and a necklace i'll give my mom as a stocking stuffer)
The house is really quite lonely without my dad. I don't know how my mom does it, I know she's really sad and stressed but she keeps on trucking. I think she's really the strongest of us all. I'm going to get her a lot of Christmas gifts :p As soon as I get my job at PacSun back for the winter break. I had a weird dream the night before last, we were at another memorial service for my dad but this time it was in something like a high school cafeteria with the stage and fold-out chairs, there were a lot of people there and it was like a big production. The funeral home had somehow reanimated my dad's body so that he could walk around the memorial service and talk. He thanked all the production people, and I'm not sure if he was heading over to my family (we were in the middle of the auditorium space) and I was hoping he didn't because I knew it was really just a robot. In my dream I started thinking about what I would say when I had to get up to make a speech about my dad's life, the train of thought somehow continued into consciousness and I woke up already crying. aaand that was that
I applied for the Prague study abroad program today, I hope I can find enough money to go, I really want the experience, but first I need to wrap up this semester. It's stunning how much needs to get done in one week's time.
Oh and here's some media:
Robbie sent it to the design kids, I think it's a pretty nifty effect, I wonder what other falling things it could work on, I can't think of anything for real life, just movie application, but editting tricks would be easier to use than lighting.
Speaking of which, I need to eat better, I've wanted to lose my flabbiness for aaaages, like since I noticed I was fat in the 7thgrade or so (I seriously thought that somehow, magically, the fat on my stomach would migrate into a nice pair of c cups or something when I was in elementary school). Realistically though, I won't eat right over Christmas break because, come on it's the holidays. I read through all my aunt's InStyle magazines last night trying to keep myself amused after thanksgiving dinner and now I have visions of fabulousness dancing in my head. I went shopping today (Black Friday aah) for myself and it wasn't so bad. I spent far too much money though (about $80 for 2 jackets, a shirt, and a pair of shoes..oh and a necklace i'll give my mom as a stocking stuffer)
The house is really quite lonely without my dad. I don't know how my mom does it, I know she's really sad and stressed but she keeps on trucking. I think she's really the strongest of us all. I'm going to get her a lot of Christmas gifts :p As soon as I get my job at PacSun back for the winter break. I had a weird dream the night before last, we were at another memorial service for my dad but this time it was in something like a high school cafeteria with the stage and fold-out chairs, there were a lot of people there and it was like a big production. The funeral home had somehow reanimated my dad's body so that he could walk around the memorial service and talk. He thanked all the production people, and I'm not sure if he was heading over to my family (we were in the middle of the auditorium space) and I was hoping he didn't because I knew it was really just a robot. In my dream I started thinking about what I would say when I had to get up to make a speech about my dad's life, the train of thought somehow continued into consciousness and I woke up already crying. aaand that was that
I applied for the Prague study abroad program today, I hope I can find enough money to go, I really want the experience, but first I need to wrap up this semester. It's stunning how much needs to get done in one week's time.
Oh and here's some media:
Robbie sent it to the design kids, I think it's a pretty nifty effect, I wonder what other falling things it could work on, I can't think of anything for real life, just movie application, but editting tricks would be easier to use than lighting.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Music and art
Mk I know I just wrote something 2 hours ago but between now and then I went to go see the University Symphony Orchestra and it made me wanna type some things.
I had never seen an orchestra perform before, our school district only had bands so no one played string instruments or anything. Immediately all I could watch was the way all the violin bows rose and fell in unison and the way the cello players' bows were all angled and all their hands moved in the same way at the same time, like choreography. I was also wishing I had my camera again because the colors of the wood of the cellos and bass(es?) were really vivid and beautiful under the lights. I couldn't really concentrate on the music much :p Except for the third piece, a girl came on stage to perform as a solo violinist in a really pretty gown and she was amazing at the violin. It was interesting to watch her, as she played her whole body was full of passion and vigor, but when she had a rest and waited for the rest of the band to do their part she looked incredibly bored and apathetic, it was funny.
Back to the bows (I hope that's what they're called), I wonder if a piece has ever been composed based solely on the movements the bows would make with no real regard to the notes played, a dance with instruments. That reminds of an e-mail I got through the design list serve, it took me a while to find it but look at this-
http://showcase.thebluebus.nl/pages/848/ambigram-music.html
Mk and now that you've looked at that awesomeness, I was also reminded of our music lecture on Monday which consisted of experimental composers from the 50s. A lot of the people in my class haaated the works. I kind of enjoyed him. Our professor showed us, or had us perform or something John Cage's 4'33". He has a blank score with times at which the performer should turn the page and instructions on how to 'switch movements'. For anyone who isn't familiar, during 4 minutes and 33 seconds the person on stage sits at an insturment but doesn't play anything, making the audience become the performers, and their rustling/whispering/whatever the performance. It reminded me of Duchamp's urinal piece, which kind of pissed me off when I first heard about. "How could that be called art?
But now I've come to appreciate these things, if you have the balls to present something like that and people take it as art, kudos to you.
I do think John Cage's work was more performance art though, when in front of an audience. Also, he wrote a composistion for Duchamp. The whole lecture showed me what a nice tie in there can be through all the branches of art.
skip to about 4:50 to see the performance.
Also while I was looking for that I stumbled upon Salvador Dali videos. He had the best moustache.
I had never seen an orchestra perform before, our school district only had bands so no one played string instruments or anything. Immediately all I could watch was the way all the violin bows rose and fell in unison and the way the cello players' bows were all angled and all their hands moved in the same way at the same time, like choreography. I was also wishing I had my camera again because the colors of the wood of the cellos and bass(es?) were really vivid and beautiful under the lights. I couldn't really concentrate on the music much :p Except for the third piece, a girl came on stage to perform as a solo violinist in a really pretty gown and she was amazing at the violin. It was interesting to watch her, as she played her whole body was full of passion and vigor, but when she had a rest and waited for the rest of the band to do their part she looked incredibly bored and apathetic, it was funny.
Back to the bows (I hope that's what they're called), I wonder if a piece has ever been composed based solely on the movements the bows would make with no real regard to the notes played, a dance with instruments. That reminds of an e-mail I got through the design list serve, it took me a while to find it but look at this-
http://showcase.thebluebus.nl/pages/848/ambigram-music.html
Mk and now that you've looked at that awesomeness, I was also reminded of our music lecture on Monday which consisted of experimental composers from the 50s. A lot of the people in my class haaated the works. I kind of enjoyed him. Our professor showed us, or had us perform or something John Cage's 4'33". He has a blank score with times at which the performer should turn the page and instructions on how to 'switch movements'. For anyone who isn't familiar, during 4 minutes and 33 seconds the person on stage sits at an insturment but doesn't play anything, making the audience become the performers, and their rustling/whispering/whatever the performance. It reminded me of Duchamp's urinal piece, which kind of pissed me off when I first heard about. "How could that be called art?
But now I've come to appreciate these things, if you have the balls to present something like that and people take it as art, kudos to you.
I do think John Cage's work was more performance art though, when in front of an audience. Also, he wrote a composistion for Duchamp. The whole lecture showed me what a nice tie in there can be through all the branches of art.
skip to about 4:50 to see the performance.
Also while I was looking for that I stumbled upon Salvador Dali videos. He had the best moustache.
It's a new week
How come it seems like everyone else uses that black and green/blue, serif font layout on blogspot?
Anyway I think I promised drama and shenanigans for this post so here it goes.
Ok I know I promised friend drama, but I don't think it's very polite to put someone else's dirty laundry up for show on the internet and the thing has been resolved to the extent I care about it and I know that's very vague but it's regarding Ryan and Lindsey. I just don't care what they do so on to the next.
My dad's mom and sister (and cousins from said sister) did not come down to Texas for the memorial/funeral services. Starting Tuesday morning they did not answer their phones. They never called my mother, me, or my brother. My mom is understandably very mad and upset with them. She's not going to call them on the holidays and she doesn't want me to either. The last contact we had with them was my mom called my aunt to ask her for information on my dad's childhood for the obituary and told her she couldn't get a hold of my grandmother. My aunt responded with something like she must have took a sleeping pill, she should be up by now, I'll call her, and we never heard from them again. We heard from my grandfather (who did come down) that they wouldn't be coming because they "didn't want to see him dead". That's completely understandable. However, good family would still go support the other family members, even if they didn't want to attend the services. And at least call and talk to your son's children. Goddamn. I'm surprised at least Paul didn't talk to us in lieu of my grandmother, and I wonder if my aunt even told my cousins, because they're all old enough (older than me) to take the initiative and give us call. All my mother's side of the family was there except for my 2 cousins in New York, I was kind of embarrassed when people would ask "Is that Bob's mother?" and I'd have to tell them no, it was just our elderly neighbor, his mom had not bothered to leave Pennsylvania. They did send a flower/plant basket thing, but since it was signed Dad, Mom, Cindy, Jason, Marc, Shanna, we have a suspicion than my grandfather bought it. In any case, my mom left it out on the porch after the services and wouldn't bring it in the house.
It's hard to retell jokes or funny situations, especially in text my grandmother said something fabulously racist, basically comparing monkeys to black people which resulted in a good 5 minutes of laughter at the dinner table. I can't say too much though after my little incident last semester. To be fair though it was a damn fuzzy television and an old movie >:[
Blahblah thats it for now, everything's old news. I really need to start carrying my camera with me wherever I go. It seems like whenever I have my camera theres nothing worth shooting and when I don't have I see a bunch of things I wish I could capture. I'll start tomorrow with my adventures in conveying each chapter of Marcovaldo.
I wish I had a picture to post but I don't, but here's something from your childhood you may or may not remember, Amy brought it up in sculpture today.
Anyway I think I promised drama and shenanigans for this post so here it goes.
Ok I know I promised friend drama, but I don't think it's very polite to put someone else's dirty laundry up for show on the internet and the thing has been resolved to the extent I care about it and I know that's very vague but it's regarding Ryan and Lindsey. I just don't care what they do so on to the next.
My dad's mom and sister (and cousins from said sister) did not come down to Texas for the memorial/funeral services. Starting Tuesday morning they did not answer their phones. They never called my mother, me, or my brother. My mom is understandably very mad and upset with them. She's not going to call them on the holidays and she doesn't want me to either. The last contact we had with them was my mom called my aunt to ask her for information on my dad's childhood for the obituary and told her she couldn't get a hold of my grandmother. My aunt responded with something like she must have took a sleeping pill, she should be up by now, I'll call her, and we never heard from them again. We heard from my grandfather (who did come down) that they wouldn't be coming because they "didn't want to see him dead". That's completely understandable. However, good family would still go support the other family members, even if they didn't want to attend the services. And at least call and talk to your son's children. Goddamn. I'm surprised at least Paul didn't talk to us in lieu of my grandmother, and I wonder if my aunt even told my cousins, because they're all old enough (older than me) to take the initiative and give us call. All my mother's side of the family was there except for my 2 cousins in New York, I was kind of embarrassed when people would ask "Is that Bob's mother?" and I'd have to tell them no, it was just our elderly neighbor, his mom had not bothered to leave Pennsylvania. They did send a flower/plant basket thing, but since it was signed Dad, Mom, Cindy, Jason, Marc, Shanna, we have a suspicion than my grandfather bought it. In any case, my mom left it out on the porch after the services and wouldn't bring it in the house.
It's hard to retell jokes or funny situations, especially in text my grandmother said something fabulously racist, basically comparing monkeys to black people which resulted in a good 5 minutes of laughter at the dinner table. I can't say too much though after my little incident last semester. To be fair though it was a damn fuzzy television and an old movie >:[
Blahblah thats it for now, everything's old news. I really need to start carrying my camera with me wherever I go. It seems like whenever I have my camera theres nothing worth shooting and when I don't have I see a bunch of things I wish I could capture. I'll start tomorrow with my adventures in conveying each chapter of Marcovaldo.
I wish I had a picture to post but I don't, but here's something from your childhood you may or may not remember, Amy brought it up in sculpture today.
Friday, November 14, 2008
This week's still this week
A few days ago our house was filled with food. Food food and more food. People are still bringing us food, Michelle made an amazing dinner for us tonight and one of my mom's friends just brought over a breakfast casserole for tomorrow. But over the last couple days we managed to clean out the rest of the homemade meals between family and friends eating. So now our house is overflowing with flowers. I'd say about $1000 worth of flowers if not more. Even one of my design professors sent flowers when she heard the news, which is super sweet of her. Half my friends gave me flowers before dinner on Tuesday. We have all the flowers from the memorial/funeral services at our house now and I think we even got a basket arrangement via fedex this evening. Our living room smells like a garden but the flowers don't make me happy because I'm reminded why they're there. But then I remind myself they're also there because the people who sent them loved my dad and my family, so it's a mixed kind of feeling.
I don't like crying. People say it's supposed to make you feel better and its important to recovery, but I don't think so, I feel better if I can avoid it. Crying doesn't fix what's wrong and distracts from being happy aaand it makes my head hurt and my eyes puffy and it's just no good. Dustin told me yesterday that I'm very strong, but I don't think that's true. I just don't want to feel like I'm drawing attention to this situation to garner sympathy for myself. I'd rather deal with it on my own...what would anyone else do for me anyway? The thing I appreciate most is people not talking about it with me because I don't know what to say. I appreciate someone making me laugh. I love my family because we laugh a lot even if it's about stupid things. And sometimes I guess its a nervous reaction of mine to laugh in bad situations. This morning before following the casket down the aisle in the church i started crying and i didnt have a tissue so i got a new pack from my mom's purse and couldn't open it, so my grandmother took it from me to show me how to do it and she couldn't do it either and was being rather vocal about it which made me laugh, probably an inappropriate time but I don't think my dad would've minded. I've been thinking stuff like that a lot "If my dad saw this he'd say '___'". Like during the memorial they were playing the cheese-balliest music and I bet he'd have preferred a soundtrack of his favorite songs playing. Also my dad wasn't a very religious man and the priest's homily for his funeral was all about how my dad lived his life in Christ and was a good catholic man ect. but the priest didn't know my dad, it was probably a cookie cutter kind of sermon.
Being at church and also this whole thing has made think a lot about our, and my own beliefs about the after life. I believed in reincarnation and fate. Basically I believed that each soul had a pre-determined purpose and every action you take influences your life and those around you in a pre-determined way that all fits together for a greater purpose. And, if your fate takes more than one life to fulfill you'd be reincarnated to get closer to achieving your goal, and you'd go through the motions as many times as you were needed and then you could have eternal life in whatever awaits for us after that (a whole philosophy is a hard thing to flesh out). But after someone dies in our culture we like to think that they're watching over us from their place up in heaven with the Lord we believed in and stuff. And it's comforting that way, if they're watching us we don't have to give them up completely. They can still help guide us and be proud of us. It's certainly more comforting than their soul being whisked into another newborn baby, or simply vanishing into non-consciousness and non-existence, which is even more unsettling. (side note: I find the watching thing kind of creepy and unsettling unless they can only see what's happening when it's good like a wedding or whatnot, there certainly many things I do I wouldn't want my dad watching in on) So now I think I need to revise my little after death philosophy. I'm not claiming it's true or I'm right but religious and philosophical beliefs in the after life feel like they're purely for the comfort of the living, and my dad not being able to see me on my wedding, or see his grandchildren is not comforting. So maybe your soul gets a little breather before its reincarnated. Besides, I never considered the notion of soul mates before. If my mom and dad are soul mates and my dad's reborn right now but my mom lives on for 40 more years, then there would be a pretty big age gap eh? So maybe they wait around to be reincarnated at the same time if needed. haha, I'm so not a good philosopher, but I like that idea best.
So anyway, back to the crying thing. I hate it. I've been on the verge of crying many times and I have to stop and think about something else. So I don't think it's that I'm a strong person or whatever for not being an emotional wreck, I've just gotten very good at distracting myself. When I get that tingling feeling under me eyes and in my nose I just feel like I'm about to break, like glass falling to the ground and I have to catch myself. And during the memorial and funeral I tried to stop myself as soon as I could and I did all right except when I hugged my mom after the two. See, when I start crying it's like passing a point of no return and I'll be a mess for at least an hour.
Also on a note I thought of earlier, I hate hate hate the question "How're you doing" during times like these. I know people don't know what else to say but really what do you expect to respond with? If I told you I was a blubbering mess 23 hours out of the day what would anyone be able to say to make it better? And saying I'm all right or fine makes me feel like an emotionless rock. So I've been answering "well you know" which is still a bad answer because how do you respond to that either? People just nod or say yeah and I guess I prefer that anyway.
Jesus Christ this is a long post. I think I'll end it here and tell you about family shenanigans and family and friend drama in another post. It might be a good transition into everyday life again.
I don't like crying. People say it's supposed to make you feel better and its important to recovery, but I don't think so, I feel better if I can avoid it. Crying doesn't fix what's wrong and distracts from being happy aaand it makes my head hurt and my eyes puffy and it's just no good. Dustin told me yesterday that I'm very strong, but I don't think that's true. I just don't want to feel like I'm drawing attention to this situation to garner sympathy for myself. I'd rather deal with it on my own...what would anyone else do for me anyway? The thing I appreciate most is people not talking about it with me because I don't know what to say. I appreciate someone making me laugh. I love my family because we laugh a lot even if it's about stupid things. And sometimes I guess its a nervous reaction of mine to laugh in bad situations. This morning before following the casket down the aisle in the church i started crying and i didnt have a tissue so i got a new pack from my mom's purse and couldn't open it, so my grandmother took it from me to show me how to do it and she couldn't do it either and was being rather vocal about it which made me laugh, probably an inappropriate time but I don't think my dad would've minded. I've been thinking stuff like that a lot "If my dad saw this he'd say '___'". Like during the memorial they were playing the cheese-balliest music and I bet he'd have preferred a soundtrack of his favorite songs playing. Also my dad wasn't a very religious man and the priest's homily for his funeral was all about how my dad lived his life in Christ and was a good catholic man ect. but the priest didn't know my dad, it was probably a cookie cutter kind of sermon.
Being at church and also this whole thing has made think a lot about our, and my own beliefs about the after life. I believed in reincarnation and fate. Basically I believed that each soul had a pre-determined purpose and every action you take influences your life and those around you in a pre-determined way that all fits together for a greater purpose. And, if your fate takes more than one life to fulfill you'd be reincarnated to get closer to achieving your goal, and you'd go through the motions as many times as you were needed and then you could have eternal life in whatever awaits for us after that (a whole philosophy is a hard thing to flesh out). But after someone dies in our culture we like to think that they're watching over us from their place up in heaven with the Lord we believed in and stuff. And it's comforting that way, if they're watching us we don't have to give them up completely. They can still help guide us and be proud of us. It's certainly more comforting than their soul being whisked into another newborn baby, or simply vanishing into non-consciousness and non-existence, which is even more unsettling. (side note: I find the watching thing kind of creepy and unsettling unless they can only see what's happening when it's good like a wedding or whatnot, there certainly many things I do I wouldn't want my dad watching in on) So now I think I need to revise my little after death philosophy. I'm not claiming it's true or I'm right but religious and philosophical beliefs in the after life feel like they're purely for the comfort of the living, and my dad not being able to see me on my wedding, or see his grandchildren is not comforting. So maybe your soul gets a little breather before its reincarnated. Besides, I never considered the notion of soul mates before. If my mom and dad are soul mates and my dad's reborn right now but my mom lives on for 40 more years, then there would be a pretty big age gap eh? So maybe they wait around to be reincarnated at the same time if needed. haha, I'm so not a good philosopher, but I like that idea best.
So anyway, back to the crying thing. I hate it. I've been on the verge of crying many times and I have to stop and think about something else. So I don't think it's that I'm a strong person or whatever for not being an emotional wreck, I've just gotten very good at distracting myself. When I get that tingling feeling under me eyes and in my nose I just feel like I'm about to break, like glass falling to the ground and I have to catch myself. And during the memorial and funeral I tried to stop myself as soon as I could and I did all right except when I hugged my mom after the two. See, when I start crying it's like passing a point of no return and I'll be a mess for at least an hour.
Also on a note I thought of earlier, I hate hate hate the question "How're you doing" during times like these. I know people don't know what else to say but really what do you expect to respond with? If I told you I was a blubbering mess 23 hours out of the day what would anyone be able to say to make it better? And saying I'm all right or fine makes me feel like an emotionless rock. So I've been answering "well you know" which is still a bad answer because how do you respond to that either? People just nod or say yeah and I guess I prefer that anyway.
Jesus Christ this is a long post. I think I'll end it here and tell you about family shenanigans and family and friend drama in another post. It might be a good transition into everyday life again.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
..
My dad past away Sunday night. I found out Monday morning right after design. My mom called and told me "we" were at the clock tower and if they could come talk to me. I asked who "we" was and she told me herself, my brother, my aunt, and uncle. So I knew what was up. There was only one reason they would come, without my dad, to talk to me in person. If he were just in the hospital I would have only got a phone call, but my mom didn't want to tell me over the phone, so I had to wait 30 minutes while they found their way over to my dorm, hoping, praying I was wrong. But of course I wasn't.
I guess we're somewhat lucky. He was sick, we knew this would happen eventually, but....not so soon. My dad told me about a guy with almost the same condition, not nearly as complicated but still, who lived 20 years after his doctors gave him a 6 month lifespan estimate. At least he had the opportunity to prepare, to tell us what he wanted, I know he wrote each of us a letter I'm kind of anxious to read. It's not like he died of a heart attack or car crash completely unexpectedly, so in that regard, I feel a bit lucky, a bit thankful. Of course in those ways he wouldn't have suffered so much beforehand. That's what a lot of people have been saying..."at least he isn't suffering anymore". That's great and all, but I feel like my dad would have gone to the hospital every weekend just to keep watching me and my brother grow up. Saying it sucks doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, neither does just saying I'm going to miss him, but I will, more than anything. If anyone's reading this, go tell your parents you love them. Go see them a bit more often. Unless they're complete crap or something, or whatever you don't have to take orders from me.
One thing I hate the most about tragedies, is that they point out what it takes for people to come together or show they care about someone/thing. Like 9/11. Like this. I mean don't get me wrong, the outpouring of love and support from everyone - my mom's friend, my friends, my brother's friends, my father's friends - has been absolutely amazing and heart wrenching. But sitting at dinner today surrounded by friends, even ones I haven't talked to in months, I thought of how I wish we could be having the dinner under different, happier circumstances.
Yesterday my mom's friends came over while her and my aunt went to the funeral home. They cleaned the whole kitchen, even cleaning out the refrigerator. They brought and bought us food and tissues and stuff. We have I think 4 home cooked meals now from different people. People I haven't seen in years are coming to our house, giving us hugs, crying as well, it's a really warm, but depressing environment.
Ryan happened to be the first person from the CP group I spoke to about it. Basically he was telling me about his new tattoo and I just dropped the bomb. I have a hard time being discreet. My mom wanted me to call up all my friends to let them know what was going on and such but I wouldn't know how to start a conversation like that with so many people. So I decided to do it awkwardly once, and I asked him to tell everyone what was up. Instead of just telling everyone he organized a dinner with everyone who could come, and paid for my meal, even though we were at opposite ends of the table which was probably awkward for the waiter keeping track of things. It was me, Ryan, Lindsey, Emma, James, Laura, Sandi, Danni, Matt, Sara, Jared, Shaheen, and Blakesley. So all in all 12 people, and I can think of a few who weren't able to come because of work or Ryan couldn't contact them. I was really happy, I didn't actually realize I had so many friends, which sounds stupid, but who really ever sits down and counts, and how often will most of them be in one place to support only you? It's really amazing.
There's another thing. It took this to make me see how lucky I am. My dad was wonderful. My mom is wonderful. I really couldn't ask for a better family. I have my own room in a big house in a nice part of town where I got a good education. I'm going to University getting a degree in something I love and I'm not having to pay for it on my own or completely through loans. I have a huge network of friends who love and support me. My family has a huge network of friends that love and support us. We're really lucky, and I'm thankful.
That's it for now I think. There's a lot more to say, but it can be written later, this feels like something of a happy post, so it will stay that way.
I guess we're somewhat lucky. He was sick, we knew this would happen eventually, but....not so soon. My dad told me about a guy with almost the same condition, not nearly as complicated but still, who lived 20 years after his doctors gave him a 6 month lifespan estimate. At least he had the opportunity to prepare, to tell us what he wanted, I know he wrote each of us a letter I'm kind of anxious to read. It's not like he died of a heart attack or car crash completely unexpectedly, so in that regard, I feel a bit lucky, a bit thankful. Of course in those ways he wouldn't have suffered so much beforehand. That's what a lot of people have been saying..."at least he isn't suffering anymore". That's great and all, but I feel like my dad would have gone to the hospital every weekend just to keep watching me and my brother grow up. Saying it sucks doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, neither does just saying I'm going to miss him, but I will, more than anything. If anyone's reading this, go tell your parents you love them. Go see them a bit more often. Unless they're complete crap or something, or whatever you don't have to take orders from me.
One thing I hate the most about tragedies, is that they point out what it takes for people to come together or show they care about someone/thing. Like 9/11. Like this. I mean don't get me wrong, the outpouring of love and support from everyone - my mom's friend, my friends, my brother's friends, my father's friends - has been absolutely amazing and heart wrenching. But sitting at dinner today surrounded by friends, even ones I haven't talked to in months, I thought of how I wish we could be having the dinner under different, happier circumstances.
Yesterday my mom's friends came over while her and my aunt went to the funeral home. They cleaned the whole kitchen, even cleaning out the refrigerator. They brought and bought us food and tissues and stuff. We have I think 4 home cooked meals now from different people. People I haven't seen in years are coming to our house, giving us hugs, crying as well, it's a really warm, but depressing environment.
Ryan happened to be the first person from the CP group I spoke to about it. Basically he was telling me about his new tattoo and I just dropped the bomb. I have a hard time being discreet. My mom wanted me to call up all my friends to let them know what was going on and such but I wouldn't know how to start a conversation like that with so many people. So I decided to do it awkwardly once, and I asked him to tell everyone what was up. Instead of just telling everyone he organized a dinner with everyone who could come, and paid for my meal, even though we were at opposite ends of the table which was probably awkward for the waiter keeping track of things. It was me, Ryan, Lindsey, Emma, James, Laura, Sandi, Danni, Matt, Sara, Jared, Shaheen, and Blakesley. So all in all 12 people, and I can think of a few who weren't able to come because of work or Ryan couldn't contact them. I was really happy, I didn't actually realize I had so many friends, which sounds stupid, but who really ever sits down and counts, and how often will most of them be in one place to support only you? It's really amazing.
There's another thing. It took this to make me see how lucky I am. My dad was wonderful. My mom is wonderful. I really couldn't ask for a better family. I have my own room in a big house in a nice part of town where I got a good education. I'm going to University getting a degree in something I love and I'm not having to pay for it on my own or completely through loans. I have a huge network of friends who love and support me. My family has a huge network of friends that love and support us. We're really lucky, and I'm thankful.
That's it for now I think. There's a lot more to say, but it can be written later, this feels like something of a happy post, so it will stay that way.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
things like this make me love the world more
Life's been pretty normal. A few days ago I went to take pictures at Harvest Mandala - a food drive held by the Fine Arts Council and my 2-D professor and while nothing notable happened and no amazing pictures were taken, I wanted to share this because I thought it was super cute and warmed my heart.
They were laying on the south mall lawn looking at the clouds and debating over what their shape looked like . :] I want a guy who will identify cloud shapes with me on a sunny afternoon. But alas, I'm just going to have to keep dreaming for now.
I like looking at the sky, it's very peaceful and relaxing, so maybe that's why I thought it was so cool what those people were doing. I like noting the different shades it takes on each day and each hour through the day and how it gets framed between architecture and tree leaves and whatnot.
I'm weird ;p
Also, here's a piece of gloriousness everyone should know about, introduced to us at a design lecture by Nick Sherman
http://www.kaiju.com/
They were laying on the south mall lawn looking at the clouds and debating over what their shape looked like . :] I want a guy who will identify cloud shapes with me on a sunny afternoon. But alas, I'm just going to have to keep dreaming for now.
I like looking at the sky, it's very peaceful and relaxing, so maybe that's why I thought it was so cool what those people were doing. I like noting the different shades it takes on each day and each hour through the day and how it gets framed between architecture and tree leaves and whatnot.
I'm weird ;p
Also, here's a piece of gloriousness everyone should know about, introduced to us at a design lecture by Nick Sherman
http://www.kaiju.com/
Thursday, November 6, 2008
.
I don't really know what to think about Ryan and Lindsey. On one hand I don't care that much, its none of my business now. But on the other hand, it's kind of shitty of friends to date friend's exs, and vise versa, and it's even shittier a couple of weeks after a break up (for both of them). And the quickness this happened, the fact they were talking a couple of weeks before me and Ryan broke up, I just wonder if Lindsey has any respect, care, or consideration for me. Maybe I'm just selfish, if they're happy who am I to complain?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Something New
New blog new blog, let's see what happens!
Actually this has been up for a bit but I'm lazy and most of the details of my life I'd rather not have up on the internet. I won't bore you with who I am and what I do and like and shit... so maybe this blog will be just be a chronicle of cool design shit I see, or pictures I take or something. Whatever, no one will read it anyway.
So for my first post:
Fuck Yeah! New president!
Actually this has been up for a bit but I'm lazy and most of the details of my life I'd rather not have up on the internet. I won't bore you with who I am and what I do and like and shit... so maybe this blog will be just be a chronicle of cool design shit I see, or pictures I take or something. Whatever, no one will read it anyway.
So for my first post:
Fuck Yeah! New president!
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